Page Contents
- 1 2. Lack of communication between spouses
- 2 3.Abandonment, Alcohol Addiction, Substance Abuse
- 3 5.Inability to manage or resolve conflict
- 4 7. Different expectations about household tasks and financial problems
- 5 9. Mental Instability or Mental Illness
- 6 10. Religious beliefs, cultural and lifestyle differences
Some people marry each other, divorce and then re-marry. This sounds ridiculous but it happens and in most of the cases marriage ends in divorce, never to come together again. Most people try to linger on to their marriage. They do not know when to divorce. Let us try to understand the reasons why people want to divorce.
Some frequently cited reasons for divorce:
1. Lack of commitment towards marriage, sexual incompatibility and infidelity
Commitment may be lacking in one of the partners because marriage happens not always out of love. It could be seen as making a good deal and when it is found that the deal is not what he or she expected divorce happens. Besides, people looking for quick solutions cannot sustain marriage for long.
Philandering habits die hard and this leads to infidelity. People with uncontrollable libido or unhappy with his or her partner cannot be loyal to their partners. So when the wife or husband comes to know of his or her partner cheating on him or her divorce turns out to be the answer. The question that arises is when to divorce.
2. Lack of communication between spouses
Without communication no relationship can be effective. Keeping your resentments simmering within, your partner does not come to know what is happening with you and this is likely to create distance between you and your partner.
3.Abandonment, Alcohol Addiction, Substance Abuse
When one of the partners deserts his or her partner for quite some time or a longer period divorce emerges as the answer. One leaves his or her partner because of the latter’s bad habits.
Alcohol addiction and abuse prevent marital bliss because of the change in behavior pattern which makes an adverse impact upon mental peace and physical security.
4. Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse and Emotional Abuse
These abuses are not uncommon and tolerating them is not good and a person who loves himself or herself would not put with such abuses.
5.Inability to manage or resolve conflict
Lack of maturity disables one to manage conflicts and handle personality differences or ‘irreconcilable differences’
6.Differences in personal and career goals
People who cohabit before marriage have higher rates of divorce than people who didn’t cohabit before marriage because differences become gigantic in course of time. Initial comfort before marriage was imagined to take things ahead in future but in reality it does not happen.
7. Different expectations about household tasks and financial problems
When expectations do not match it affects relationships most. This leads to personality conflict because none of them are willing to do things or are ready to sacrifice their time and comfort.
Because what one wants the other to do, the other does not do there is dissatisfaction and frustration. In such instances love becomes sour. This exacerbates with financial problems because material needs remain unfulfilled and creates discontent in the minds of both the partners as one cannot give and feels humiliated and the other is frustrated because of long standing inconveniences.
8. Intellectual Incompatibility and Inflexibility
Intellectual incompatibility creates misunderstandings. And the smarter person feels frustrated while the less intelligent partner is mad about not reaching the level of intelligence of the other and makes life miserable for himself or herself and for the others also.
9. Mental Instability or Mental Illness
Insanity does not allow space for normal communication.
10. Religious beliefs, cultural and lifestyle differences
Cultural values clash unless we are highly adaptive in nature. Orthodoxy leads to intolerance and conservatism gags the spontaneity of life. So this leads to divorce after some time of marriage
When a person has a valid reason to divorce, he or she knows when to divorce. After all, there is no point in hanging on to a person. One should take appropriate action and break-off the relationship.
heyy these are really good i ideas, thanks for whoever wrote this!!
important ideas really but how what are the consecquences of theses problems and how it can affect children if there is?
SOME REASONS PEOPLE GET REMARRIED AND DIVORCED ID BEACUSE OF RELIGIOUS REASONS OR THE FAMILIES DONT LIKE EACH OTHER.
My wife keep on lying to me over issue, recently she withdrew money from our son's account without my knowledge and when I asked later on she gave me a fake bank statement. I am thinking of divorce what can you advise me
I'm a married woman seeking counseling to repair my marraige.
Ineed to know more please.
my wife is so sexy & i think patient of histeriya. she use to keep relation with others which hearts me but as i love her too much i cant divorce her but for last one & half year she's been living with their parent written a divorce letter which is not addmittable before court & i want bring her back.what should i do?
Well, first you need to go back to school to improve your english is very poor and there must be a reason why she left you, so get over it and give the poor women a divorce!
husband winges everyday that house is still messy, & wants to through things away.
I dont think thats why you should divorce her. if thats your only reason bc she took money out. its immature. ther needs to be something more that just that.
hmm what was the money used for?
did u know that out of evey 1,000 married couples about 230 of them get divorced yearly.
marriage should be permanet.
and wtf are married ppl looking at this website and going down the list to see if they r maybe in reason for divorce. hahaha
I am curious about where these statistics come from. If there was an actual study done, I would like to see the statistics.
A lot of people say money is the number one reason for divorce, but I have never found any statistical evidence to back that up. Can someone please provide some?
I think financial problems definitely play a role that leads to divorce. That's the reason why my parents got divorced years ago. Also, I think if parents/in-laws don't get along with the other family, that could cause a divorce as well.
Especially to Ce Ce Brown. I am willing to be an ear to help you begin your journey. I just an article about Saving a Marriage from and adulterous affair. That may not be your issue. But I believe that in many cases marriages can be saved. You must stau hopeful and surround yourself with people who would be friends of your marriage.
logical reasons for divorce, thanks alot
People conveniently forget that they will ALL (Male and Female) answer to an ALMIGHTY G-d for their SELFISH ACTIONS in search of PEACE and HAPPINESS!!! The Judges and Laywers that so freely give their G-dless advise and Signatures in Judgements of these cases will also give an acount of their actions…..
Even sooo —- come Lord Jesus
Maranatha!!!
i want know what is histeriya and how it will come
Hi Gautam,Don't divorce,Be patience,take care of your wife and be try to cure your wife with the help of a good doctor or psychiatrist.Think …….
I'm wondering why people always criticize other person,which is I believe mostly American sometimes can't spell a word which is "normal" in any Country in this world. Helleeer!!
I think this list is excellent. I have issues with people who judge those that have been divorced. I have been married for 25 years and it has been a rough rood. I believe God is a loving God and we only have one life to live so if people want to divorce to find happiness I don't have an issue with that. Marriage is the only contract where people don't get a chance to renew or review it. If we have a job and do not perform our job, we'd be fired. Too many people get comfortable when they are in a marriage and don't work at the relationship. You should work at it all the time and have a performance review once a year. If you can't change to make the other person happy than the other person should have the right to get out.
I completely agree with the points mentioned.I personally feel we have become too intolerant that we don't want to be accomodating. In a marriage, acceptance of the flaws of the partner helps in a big way. Expecting perfection from others will be disappointing. Another thing is lack of responsibility and excess of expectation. I read somewhere that marriage should be 60-40 relationship contrary to 50-50. In which you give 60% and expect 40%. In a such a scenario, you tend to give more than get.
@Claudia – That's a really nice statement you gave. I keep on believe in God that no one is allowed to separate what has been united by God. Unfortunately divorces mostly give bad impact to their children. Children should be look at their parents as a real example. Father can't say 'Don't smoke!' even he smoke, so is in marriage and divorce. The best way to save our next generation is to be a good example for them and teach them about love with love. To love is not loving someone perfect but loving someone not perfect perfectly.
just got served papers in 11/09 after 8 tears of marriage. didn't see it coming. after reviewing the list our marriage was guilty of #1,2,5,6 & 7. not good odds. no wonder it failed. i wish she saw this list before she filed. she might have tried counseling.
THIS IS GOOOD ! WOOOOOOOO
WE ARE LEARNING ABOUT THIS IN R.E
So what are you supposed to do when your marriage is suffering from 1,2,5,6 & 7? Stay married for the fear of going to hell….I've got news for you all…I will probably wind up going there anyways if I believed everything the bible "interpretors" said.
I have always been the one trying to hold it all together.The glue. My husband works, and he works hard at work…But thats all.At home, its all about him…what he wants, and nothing more or less.But I am the one who has to figure out how to pay the bills with what we have…I do all the housework, even though i work as well. I am the one who is responsaibloe for raising our daughter.He is good with our daughter, and loves her very much, but he does not discipline her well….sometimes making me feel the "bad" one. It's funny though…she still is way more loving towards me. That alone proves that children crave discipline and order.
We married when I was 22, he was 28.Our daughter was 6 months old whern we married. We obviously rushed everything and now we are paying the price. The thing is I have tired hard to make it work…counseling, lowering expectations…, all sorts of things. He will "try", but just go through the "notions". Honestly, I think the reason we are still togther is our daughter and finances. Neither one of us can afford to have a seperate household right now.
I do not want my daughter to suffer. I would do anything for her. I just feel like I ahsve been robbed of my best years. I am 27 now..i have pretty much wasted 5 years of my 20's with him. I do not see him ever changing. I do not mean chainging who he is, but changing some of his faults. I have worked on myself. I had to give up school to work full time, giving up m,y dream. It was sad how OK he is with it all too.
@steven…true forgiveness must take place first. Im not sure what your relationship is with God, but he can heal you both. I've been thru my own personal hell but he brought me thru and i have forgiven ppl who set out to destroy me for no reason.Once you guys have forgiven watch how the trust starts to rebuild and the love renewed. Trust me on this one, God can and will heal you both.
A person's "not worth hanging on to?" How about you can it. I'm sick and tired of everyone acting like going back on a lifelong commitment is anything but shameful. Wake up, America. Maybe if, as a whole, we weren't so immature and took some responsibility in life, then this crap would never happen. By the way, my spouse is presently leaving me after I literally gave everything I had so that I could be with her, so screw her and screw divorce: it's pure evil.
To the person who wants closure, I believe you will have to forgive and that will be your closure. I dont think that anything your husband or the other person as to say will ease your mind. It is he and she that should be having conflict not you. I dont know why woman talk to ther other woman, I wouldnt believe I word she said. Even if some of it were true. Anyway God bless you and I hope that you have all the peace and joy in this life that you need.
my parent are having trouble with 2 5 and 7 and im in the middle both are fighting telling one another to ask me. someone plz help me
Reading these top ten reasons for divorce, I find it striking how many of them fall under the category of fundamental incompatibility in the relationship, and/or instability in the long-term longevity of the relationship. Perhaps the root of these problems might be a rush to get married, leading to such oversights as failure to find a fully compatible partner, failure to plan for the relationships long-term longevity, failure to gain a full understanding of one's partner, etc.
Perhaps, therefore, to avoid such pitfalls that might lead to a failed marriage, people should idealize marriage less, and focus more on finding and knowing a fully compatible partner better, and planning for their future together; then, perhaps, the marriage would be much less likely to end in divorce/
Me and my wife are currently trying to work things out, however, we are guilty of # 2, 5, 6, 7, 8 and we have no trust towards each other, we fight because of things that have happened in the past, and we never let go of that and it makes us not trust each other. I am at a loss on what exactly I should do…
I think marriage is highly overrated! I got involved with my husband when I was 19 and he was 22 and we got married and became parents. I really hate being a wife and mother! Yes, I said it. I was gullible when I got involved with my husband. I went overseas for a year without my family (my children were young) and it was the best year of my life. We also have problems with balancing visitation of families. I haven't seen my father in 5 FREAKING years because my husband also saying that we don't have the money or it would be better if we spend whatever holiday with his family. I am SICK of his family. I may sound cold but I am. My children are now teenagers close to being adults and they give us a ran for our money. My family is driving me insane. I want to pack my shit and leave. Yes, leave. What makes it worst, I was involved in an affair and my husband found out but instead of letting me go, he wants us to stay together because we have been together for so long. I use to be a nice looking lady and a good catch and tried to go to the gym once in a while. Now, I just don't care how I look and sometimes I wish I will just wake up dead. I use to be in the Bible too. I have gave that up. I just don't believe God or Jesus would let people struggle and be so unhappy.
You are probably saying just get a divorce. It's not that easy. Our credit is jacked mainly because of the poor decisions my husband has made like getting credit cards and not feeling as though he owe anyone anything. It sucks. The last couple of months, I decided to find out what my score was and to get my stuff together. I am also doing something else we never done (SAVED Money). I haven't done anything else to go against my marriage vows but I am unhappy. And I don't have anyone to talk to. That sucks. I really haven't talk to anyone because the people I know enjoy being a wife and mother. I just feel like a roommate that pays all the bills and stuck in a leasing agreement that doesn't have an end to it. I wish people would be honest and admit that hate being married. Sometimes I can talk to my mother because she divorced my dad when I was eight but she got married three more times!!! I will never do it again. I know my message is long, but I just wanted to vent. I am hoping people see how long it is and don't read it. I also have been diagnosed with bipolar. I don't think I'm bipolar. I feel if I got out of this situation and my chldren become independent and self-reliant early like at 18 and 20 (they are about 18 months apart) then I will be able to have some fun. What bothers me the most, what if the world does end 2012 and I am still married, that would suck. The other sad part and probably the saddest part, I love my husband and hate to see him in pain or crying and that's why I have stayed and haven't didn't anything else. I don't believe in anything anymore.
…it's really big problem for divorce things
Don't stay in a relationship that is unhealthy. To all those people who say that marriage is a contract between two people and GOD, you have been brainwashed. Marriage has been a ritual. If you are staying in a relationship that is unhealthy for the fear of GOD, I feel sorry for you.
im from somalia and i got married when i was 7 and im still happy in my marriage and im 78 now!
Its funny that people think right after marriage their life will become a bed of roses. i wonder how people get so impatient these days. You will never find happiness even after the divorce because the problem is in you!
There is another reason for divorce; BRAINWASHING. My wife, now ex-wife, left me after her return from PSI Seminars, a Large Group Awareness Training Program.
My husband deployed and cheated on me. The only reason I found out I'd because the one time he hit and choked me I, I sent him to jail. I went through his stuff and found an unfamiliar cell phone with incriminating texts. I talked to the girl. I stayed with him but I can't forgive. But why am I still trying and when is enough? He is trying to "fix things" but he can never answer my questions or give me closure. Its always "I don't know" or "it was a mistake." We tried counseling and it was a joke. He was just going through the motion. I don't want to be just another divorce but this is killing me. Its only been six months.
Just passing through and saw your website. I ask for your opinion. My wife cheated on me while I was in alcohol rehab, 2007. I am an recovering alcoholic and have finished rehab and continue my sobriety today. I wasn't the perfect husband but have tried to make ammends with those I have hurt but my wife seems to hang onto the past. We were married for 19 years and separated for 2 yrs after her affair. I moved out of state during our speration but six months after our divorce I moved back to our hometown, July 2009. We met again and remarried, November 2009. We are now having marriage problems. She says, "I love you but I am not in love with you." I've forgiven her infidelity but it just doesn't seem to be enough. She sees her exboyfriend on occasion whom she cheated with and shows no regards that she doesn't find it a problem with she and I being in the same room with him. There are ways to avoid our meetings with him but she refuses to understand my feelings. Should I run for the hills like a scared rabbit? My experiences say to run but my heart says stay. Any advice would help. THANKS!
Michelle, I believe that the fact that you are even willing to move to Japan for a while is much of a compromise. If he really truly loves you he will compromise with you too and return to America. You can always go but there will always be the "if" he doesn't want to. If you go to Japan you just have to accept the "if". Also, you can always stay home in the u.s. and if he understands and loves you enough he will stay . Maybe he can temporarily work in Japan rather then temp-ing in u.s…. I say you stick to what youuu always dreamed of. Men, are naturally selfish and they forget about our feelings and what we want… he is asking for a lot and he should understand that. AND just be honest with him and tell him how this is making you feel. I hope you haven't left. Good Luck!
love is the number one reason for divorce…(well, besides marriage itself),….you love, or fall in love and you get married the love fades and you or your loved one searches to find that ol' feeling once again. so ones beloved falls in love with someone else… before you know it…divorce. that is why one should never base a contractual relationship such as marriage on emotions alone. if one loves someone they should enjoy it. utilize every moment that it lasts. but never and i repeat NEVER ruin a splendid thing such as love with a contract. especially when there are so many other reasons to get married.
Seeking to get a devorce. Husband cheating and fails to admit it. Always finds text in his phone and its hurts like hell when you know and he denies. cant take it any longer. Ladies when your man starts to call you name and not be into you, lookout!
KatC – Thanks for the advice. I've had several people tell me that I am already making a big sacrifice by going to Japan. My husband and I have talked about this issue since I last posted (a lot actually) and we've kind of come to a sort of agreement. Because we both DO love each other and WANT to stay together, we have decided to kind of wait it out. We don't know exactly how each of us will feel once getting to Japan. His dream has always been to go to Japan and live, he feels he is called by God, in a way, to be there… which makes his being there seem more important and necessary… so he doesn't want to say that he'll definitely come back with me in case he gets there, loves it, feels he should stay, and then he has to mess up with what HE wants. I don't want to say yes, I'll definitely stay over there with him because then what if I get there and hate Japan and miss my family too much within 6 months?! Then my dream would go down the drain. We both HONESTLY feel like we are being both selfish and selfless. We want to fulfill our dreams, while truly wanting the other person to fulfill their dreams. And if that means we need to separate then I guess we'll decide that then.
And I do tend to agree with "Men are naturally selfish and they forget our feelings and what we want…". Probably the thing I think he forgets the most is that as badly as he wants his dreams and wants to achieve his goals… I want to achieve my just as badly. Plus, I've already moved a few states away from my family (about 7 hours) to go to college. My degree I could have gotten 15 minutes from home, but his degree wasn't offered in out home state… so we moved for him. I'm already feeling the distance as I'm about to become an Aunt in December (for the 1st time) and its killing me to not be with family. I can't imagine feeling this way my whole life.
All in all… haven't left.
Happy trying to live in the moment. 
Thanks again.
This just made me more confused. My husband and I got married after finding out I was pregnant after a month of knowing eachother. We got married because it was the right thing to do or so they say. Well we're going on four years and we are guilty of 1-5. Now my question is we have very small children. Is it fair to worry about my happiness and ruin this family? Or should I just suck it up until the kids are old enough to understand?
I always find information like this interesting and helpful. I am getting ready to celebrate our 34th anniversary towards the end of the month. We knew money problems were a big problem heading into marriage so we agreed to never got into debt excluding a mortgage. We genuinely like each other and are extremely different. But my father gave me two words: repentant and forgive. He said to the degree I had a heart of repentance and forgiveness my marriage would be blessed. That has been a principle for life and quality relationships in general. We all have short comings and yet have gifts that are beautiful. Focus on your gifts and manage your weaknesses so they don't impact you or others hugely. Maybe even your lover will enjoy covering your weaknesses. Love yourself, love God, love your spouse and life. Your life will never disappoint you.
To KH and all the others who followed after her to list the real reasons why it is OK to get a divorce, i applaud you.
The world has changed today and people need to realize that. How can you expect yourself and others to change if you can't see that the world has changed as well?
Why be in an unhealthy relationship when you can be happy? Who says i need to have a man in my life to be happy? Who says i can't have children on my own and be financially free and happy? Many people have been brainwashed by society and the media and have fallen themselves in love with the whole white picket fence ideal, taht you have to have a nice wife at home and a lot of kids running around. But how exactly does that age old dream fit into our circumstances, the economy, the change, the areas we live in? You need to be realistic.
I have just gotten out of a seven year relationship that was never meant to be. I tried to make it work, tried to change myself and adopt my mans' dreams and goals to save the realtionshp but he never did, so what was the point. He thinks he tried because he cooked for me and tried nto to be as nasty whenever he was mad, but his dreams were still ALL about himself and his family and what timelines he watned to do certain things in life. He was always never satisfied, always had to get the new gadget, always disappointed about his life, never appreciated me or what he already had (and i have a great career and money), and always superficial whenever it came to looks. I just did not want to do that anymore as I had evolved two times more than he had in the 7 years. This is not a divorce story because we were never married, but it comes close.
Be happy folks. Love yourself and love will find you if it is meant to be for you. Don't sit and wait for a man to come into your life to make you happy and sweep you off your heels. Don't sit and hope for the man to appear. Regain your self esteem and do what makes you happy becasue you deserve it. When you have great love and energy and know what you want for you, everything else in the universe becomes attracted to you and many things will fall into your lap.
Don't settle for limitations. There is too much wonderful stuff to do and be happy about in this world! I am happy i left that life where i wanted to be my man's wife taking care of him and the hom and the kids while he builds his car business and we go on trips once a year. Forget it, how dry and boring. I have dreams that i need to fulfil and they don't include him in any way!
Be happy!
If there is no trust, then you have no marriage. I've been married 36 years, and my husband refuses to acknowledge that he has a drinking problem, which, in turn, he takes out on me. Communication is also a key factor in relationships. You have to be on the same page!
hi,
I think this list is excellent,I am a Irainaian student of counseler,now, I need to know what 's the name of writer of this. please tell me as soon as u can. thankes u very much
melolove, you are right. most people mistake the closeness they have before marriage because of the sex for love. then they get married, and it continues, until of course the issues arise and then it's downhill from there. there is more sex but not as great, and then it's just to satisfy your craving but not because you want to, and then the sex stops completely.
some people have great sex until they get old with each other, but it is because they are living on the surface. More and more you are finding there are breakups because people are looking for more in life. they want to deeply enjoy and be themselves, they want do not be tied down and do things at will.
not all breakups are because one person wants to be single again and date around. people need compatibility, and more have become in tune with themselves and nature. they are seeking to enjoy the world. being the soccer mommey who does the groceries, clean the house, wait for the husband, run errands, pay bills….not exciting anymore. does not make a person bad. society told us our life was supposed to be like taht.
what is wrong with wanting to backpack across the world for a year, to return and then write a book? who says i can't be educated and have all that i want as well. who says i have to work like a dog to sustain what the economy tells me i can afford, and then only go on trips to wonderful places once or twice a year? what if i don't want to be enjoying fun only in the summer going to same amusement parks all the time? why do i always have to get my husbands permission to do something different, or to beg him to make a move on things? Why do i have to suppress who i am becasue of the marriage?
there's lots of reasons for divorce. but the world today is shifting how they think and in turn how they live. power to all the single moms, single women running businesses, single men traveling the world. most of these type of people are very descent, they are not looking for the next hot chick. everyone else shoudl be envying their lives becasue that is what freedom is! not living according to a government.
go out and make your life what you want it folks!
I'm 32, my wife is 30. We have been married 11 years. From day 1 our relationship has had major issues, trust, infidelity (on her part), incompatibilities, different upbringings, difference in lifestyle, etc. For the most part I feel as if we haven't grown as a couple, she does her thing, I do my thing, but this is not the life I want. I want someone I can share life's experiences with, and she is not the one. She's uninterested in most thing that I enjoy, she spends more time staring at her facebook than she does me. I think she regrets marrying me, but refuses to admit it, she hates the way we got married, (in a hospital while she was sick right before our son was born). I think our story is unique, I pride myself in being able to have something different than the old sterotypical wedding (everyone I know who was married the old fashion way i.e. church's, chappels etc are now divorced). She is absolutly embarassed of the way we got married. I hate the holidays, I feel like holidays are a stressfull waste of time, energy and money, she loves the holidays, just another reason to spend lots of money on gifts that no one even appreciates( she likes to shop and showoff and keep up with jones's). My rotten holiday attitude pretty much has contributed to the rift between us. They say opposites attract, then why does every fiber in my body want this relationship to end, since it does not seem like we'll ever see eye to eye on everything. What sucks the most is during our marriage I have met a couple of other women who I was way more compatible with, but out respect to my wife I chose to stay faithfull and stay married. The question is how much more of this short life am I going to spend in a incompatible, virtually loveless marriage.
very good ideas it could realy help the people who already married how to save their marriages
Actually y peoples doesn't have even live happily with their life don't know.. i think everyone psychology subject as well as their studies and need skill practice to face peoples.. i'm really regret for this kind of people one who left need of solution msg….better u all can die..
Most of the reasons on this page are camouflauged bullsh!t i amy e cynical but lemme give you the real top reasons:
1. Money, (lack of it), husband is expected to provide, lack of ability to make money makes him a an idiot looser and a good looking wife can easily shop around if she wants but a fatter older person has slimmer chances. It doesn't sound nice but its the frieken truth
2. Looks, esp for the guy, looks are always more important than for the girl. Women tend to value attributes like funny and nice while for men looks are more one of the more important factors and the fatter she gets (esp after kids) more likely to lead to no sex then no attraction for the guy then divorce. It also seems that women are more willing to tolerate fatness in their partners than guys, although most guys bullsh!t about this reason and make up some other crap once divorce comes around just to seem "nice"
3. Family/religion. The parents don't like the partner because they happen to be muslim (it seems more likely hat a muslim guy will marry a non muslim than the other way around). This is somewhat applicable to other religions but it seems more often then not muslim guys parents not liking the girl or the girls parents horrified that their princess will be marrying a muslim seem to be the go (seen it plenty of times). Then there's race, some parents don't like other races, seem them as inferior (racists) etc and the guy or girl sometimes gotta choose between parents/relos or divorce
4 Mental illeness – this does happen and altough ppl say "for better and for worse, in sickness and in health" do they mean it when their partner is going skits, hears voices, gets soooo depressed they too embarassed to leave the house and work for years? Alot of ppl have thoer limits and don't wanna take care of their mentally ill partner so they leave them in the care of their family or the state – his irks me, esp if they've been married for years, just seems like something a total w@nker would do bt does happen all the time
5 cheating, the guy is always more likely to cheat than the woman and it indicates to me that he's not as attacted to her as he should be. This also ties into weight gain for eiher partner and aging. Cheating may also happen as the one of the partners gets oder, esp the wife, as a richer successful guy can always hook up with a youbger hotter money hunry whore wose willing to overlook the fact that the guy is old and has a wrinkled d!ck. Sometimes it also happes that the guy has a hot trophy wife who doesn't wok and sits at home all day, so she gets bored, and has an affair
6 intelligence – if one partner is degree educated and the other works at mcdonalds then conversaion has to be at the mcdonalds level and not very stimulating
7 being a b!tch or an arsehole – this means constant name calling ie stuipid, fat, ugly etc, you can't do anything right, why did you buy this, etc If this sounds familiar and the guy is a pr!ck or the woman a b!tch then leave them
8 substance abuse ie alcohol, drugs etc
Note, kids always seem to add a few more years to an unhappy marriage even where one or more of the above are present . There are other reasons but these are the top one's i've seen
I have read all these stories and I can identify most with Rick. I have lived with my wife for 8 yrs and have been married for 6 months. I waited so long to ask her to marry me because I kept waiting for things to be perfect. They never have been. In fact since marriage it has beeen worse. I was told things would change once I became commited to her, and they did. I feel home life is an after thought in her mind. She is commited to her job, and strives to excel/ At home evrything can wait or never crosses her mind. I mean anything related to running a house ( dishes, cleaning, my needs and wants ) How dirty does a bathroom have to be before she should consider cleaning it. How long should I go with out getting laid. Sexual frustration is making me insane. I am starting to resent her. I feel taken advantage of. I have tried talking for 8 yrs. Now when I say anything I am bitching at her. It's to the point now when I say anything it creates more tension. I don't want to live like this. I want kids, I am 34. I never thought I would contemplate divorce. If things have not improved significantly by our 1 yr anniversary I am done.
i am 22 and my husband is 23 we got married three years before.it is arrange marriage.my married life is going good and running very smoothly.when i started my married life some time am getting upset with my husband becoz he never express his feelings what they like and dislike but i know he love me too much he making fun of me like we enjoy our life.but he never say i love you to me .i know that doesnt mean that he not love me.
after one year i started saying to my husband that y u dnt express ur feeling and he always ignore my word i dont know y.i just want that he say i love u i cant live without u(u know expression is the big thing)how i am gonna know wat he thinks abt me.
then after 2 years i started understand him then he always like this i cant change him………………………….this is the life if one person is not change for u then change urself then u will be happily live with ur husband
I agree. Selfishness is the #1 reason for divorce. Ive learned some things after 30 years of marriage. Ie; Strive to serve each other. Build up each other's egos and esteem daily. Make peace with the fact that life is hard and it ain't all about you. Raising kids is hard hard work. Get use to it, You cant bring them back. Forgive spouse and yourself often. Examine yourself first. Nothing replaces FaceTime with spouse and kids. Don't be a jerk.it only makes matters worse. What's really bothering you? Don't take it out on your poor spouse and kids. Watch your mouth, you can't take it back. The office coworker sure is sexy, but you can't have them. You made a vow and have respect in you word and for your mate. Learn new phrases such as, 'I was wrong' and 'I am sorry'. Never take sides with your parent over you spouse. But never allow a wicked spouse to turn you away from loved ones. Never listen to your messy friends talk you into leaving your mate. Humans by design search for life mates. No one ever puts out a personal ad requesting a seven year relationship. It's Gods design for families to bind for generations. However we are not required by God to subject ourselves to abuse and STDs of unrepentant spouses.
Divorce has been on my mind for sometime now and I totally agree with some of the reasons on the list. I've been married for 11 years now and I'm fed up of it already. I think I have the laziest husband on the planet. All he ever wants to do is sit on the couch, Computer and look at his Iphone whole day. He has a great job but as soon as he is home, he has nothing to do with the kids or me. Don't get me wrong, I do have a job as well and I have to still come home and take care of everyone while my hubby sits doing nothing and expects dinner to be served. I feel like I'm a maid and I want out..
Selfishness – The #1 reason for divorce and many others problems in this world.
Hi!My husband loves me and our daughter so much.But here I am,searching about divorce.He is so alcoholic,unfortunately that's the thing that i hated most.Karma,i guess!He is bipolar and it so hard to deal with him.Also,he is so lazy at home.Since we got married,2 years now, he never washed the clothes or cook or clean up and look after our daughter when he wanted too…most of the time while im doing laundry,i will be cooking while our 18 months old daughter is with me in the kitchen.Him?well looking at his computer and getting drunk.I can barely comb my hair and he is always in the garage doing personal stuff,get inside the house drunk!And started talking to me,which i hated most coz drunk people are loud and so hard to deal with.He said im lucky that im a stay home mom for a year now,well it is more appropriate to call me a maid!I want a divorce but he refused and would cry,be on his knees..im getting fed up!I have my savings and im sending them to my mom and son from previous marriage.He is so upset with that,to think that it is my savings.He never buy something for me but groceries that I need to prepare.Other than that,nothing!I even have to cut my hair coz he will never give money for that.I can;t work right now coz we are waiting for my immigration status.I dont know if i still love him or i just want a father for my children.I dont have friends to talk to coz i dont have time.My me time is early in the morning when they are still sleeping or late at night when they are asleep.Im like a single mom,so might as well be it…hope I can ahve someone to talk to…
Wow I just say find someone with alot of money and everything will be find. because Money keep everyone happy.
hi i am Sadiqa Noman from Pakistan,i am a student of mphill psychology, i really like this essay and i want to know the name of writer. i also want to add that lack of love is a top reason of divorce
The best one is the mental illness one, fucking LOL
Marriage is like a rose!
Question is: is it the rose with the thorns, or is it the beautiful flower?
Marriage is nothing more than a full time job, and than some. It does have good outcome if both partners do what it takes to accomplish what they want.
I think that communication, being able to have an open mind and both must be able to negotiate perfect middle would be the key to successful relationship!
What do you guy's think?
I am one confused individual. My husband and I have always planned to move to Japan once we graduate college. We were married at 19, now nearly 2 and a half years ago, and things could not be better. The moving to a different country was his idea, but I had always thought it to be an exciting adventure that I would be more than happy and willing to do. When we got married, he had said that we would graduate and then after spending several years in Japan (never given an exact number, but we had mentioned maybe 10 or 15 years) we would return to the United States to teach. I recently was asked by another individual how long we would be in Japan and I told her I didn’t know, but that we had always planned to come back to the United States. Later that evening I asked my husband how long he thought we would live in Japan and he said forever! Much to my surprise, I reminded him that he had said before that he wanted to eventually move back to the United States. Now he seems to want to stay in Japan forever, and only come back to the U.S. maybe a semester at a time to teach as a visiting professor at a college. As I said, I always thought moving to Japan and living there for a while, teaching there, would be an awesome adventure, but I honestly cannot imagine never living in the U.S. again. I love children, plan to have many of my own, and I got this love of children from my mother. I can’t imagine my mother not seeing her grandchildren or my mom not being able to see me pregnant, touch my pregnant belly, etc. This may seem minor, but it is a big deal to me. I love my husband so much, we are very happy together, I want to grow old with him, have a family with him, and move to Japan with him, but I also want to come back to the United States with him. He is known for always changing his mind, but I don’t want to count on him changing his mind and it never happen. I don’t want to leave my husband, but I’m not sure I can handle the life he says he now wants to live. What do I do???
This is really interesting i mean, people get divorced but dnt have tangible reasons for doing so but hv learnt
i left my husband because he was 26 years old and couldnt hold a job longer than 4 months., as well as many other reasons our relationship all together lasted a year but we were married for 6 months
@ Elizabeth I so understanding. I’m currently going through the same thing. So tired of crying every night. Any what I’ve decided to do is to go to our local court house which is here in Maryland and file the divorce. So has been the hardest decision of my life but I’m so unhappy, and I cry every day….
Divorce is NEVER the answer. Should you love your spouse less than your child? If your child sexually molested another child would you abandon them? Disown them? Divorce them? NO, of course not. Although, you could never condone their actions, you would try to help them, support them, get them into therapy, counseling, medication, peer support anything. But somehow when its a spouse instead of a child the answer is always DIVORCE! It is wrong, period.
My wife is said to have a chemical imbalance. She is on a great deal of meds and when she takes it she is incoherent. If she does not take it she is impossible to deal with. It makes for a miserable marraige at least from my point of view. I feel sorry for her but I dont know if i can continue to deal with this.
hi, my brother went to the USA on studies and impragnated some lady.him being responsible he wanted to stick around for the kid,raise her the african way and see her grow into a responsible young gal.they then decided to get married and on that note he got the green card.emmediately after that,the wife started abusing him and telling him that he helped him get the green card now he starting to complain and that he is not going to complain for anything.The lady at some point told him that now he was tired of him and started dating his country man right before his eye.That was a clear emmotional abuse,ill-treatment to the husband and she was both verbal and phsically abusive.Being the African man he didnt want to do it the african way (committing suicide) he decided to run back home wher he could get a peace of mind and get people who could sympathise and love him unconditionally.
it has been two years since he came back,he is taking care of the kid and now he wants a legal divorce.At somepoint last yer the lady ammicably agreed to file the divorce from that end but then changed her mind because she was for some reason feeling hopeful that the relationship differences might be sorted out and now she is so relunctant doing it…..my brother is suffering he vant acquire any property fearing to lose it at the end,his life is stuck in there.he cant file the divorce from this end coz the lady will definately refuse to appear in the courts this side.
pease advise
im 40 year old.i have married about 17 years ,but my husband and i havent had sex about 9 years .first he told me he was ill but after a few years i realized that he had a relationship with my close friend.i countinue my marriage because of my children but now im tired of this life.please give me an advise
After being married for 12 1/2 years,during the 4 years prior to leaving in June 2009,my wife fell very ill,major operations ensued.Our sex life disintegrated, i have a average libido.Debt eventually drove us apart,I could not cope and left.I now come to compete Divorce papers but do not have reason for the divorce except irretrievable break down.Neither of us have committed adultery.I need to move on?
iam having problem with my wife,i was miles away from her,but the time she called me to ask money i was asleep that time ,so she keep on texing me,i was already angry and anoyed by her masssage so i call her not incident yield at her,she drop the calls then that time to many insulting words digradable words bellow the belt words i was already humiliate by her words,so iam thinking to get divorse. any advice
hello i dont understant what is married. im marriet 15 years and i realy want to divorse i thing there is not love anymore and this is happen from the day we have our son .we dont speak together. no sex.always fight for nothing.if i say its blak she say white .she only show me the bills and after i pay them she forket im there sometimes i wish for her to have a boyfriend so i have a reason to go.i dont know realy why but the only thing i know its a big stress.from one site i dont want to go because i realy love my son very much.i work very hard to keep this family and i always give them anything they want i have 4 companys and i have a very good money every month so we dont have economical problem .is anybody like to tel me what to do?? stay or go
People jump into marriage too quickly mistaking that awesome sex we have at first for love. Its so great and deep and inrimate that we feel so close to someone that it seems we know them , but you never really know someone no one all the way even after years…there is no fairytale ending to prince to princess to white doves or castles its a full time hard ass job on both sides. Marriage is a partnership a friendship and a committment that has nothing to do with sex…it becomes a cooperation after time and its eithier in the red or in the black!
I got married three months back under presure from my family the presure was emotional and social ..whilst being in love with another girl with whom I was compatible in every possible way there is to be ..and proposed to her three times before but her father refused for personal reasons ….I decided that there was no reason to hurt my parents so agreed to their will and married the girl they chose for me …but the day I got married I just couldn’t find an agreement to my self I am not attracted to her have tried alot of times but it never works …I still can’t even imagine her as my wife …she is actually everything I never wanted …everyone in family loves her but no matter how hard I try I can’t hate her enough …though I am always nice to her respect her every demand …but this just does not feel right . What should I do I am scared of god and breaking my parents heart but I can’t live like this ….she disgusts me with her actions in bed and I don’t and I get negative vibes from her… she lies all the time always agree to do things in a better way but never does them…. makes an issue of the minutest things in life even food… always complaining to ppl how i turned out not at all what she wanted but does not leave.. i dont know what to do. lend me some help plz
To all that are confuse on what to do about their current situation. let me offer a bit of insite,if you are at the pont of requesting help, to keep somting going on in your life with you your spouse your next step is to leave the situation. Their is plenty of reasons one may find themself asking for help but if you are in a problem that compromise you too the point that you dont know what to do with yourself. The best advice that anyone shoud give you is to figuer out you what are your yes,no, and mabe so
My husband and I have been married for 5years but together for 15yrs. Well our issue is he likes to go out alot, just about every weekend he is going to watch a UFC fight or football, but doesn’t come home until like 4 or 5 in the morning, but when I call him he always says don’t question me of where I am goin I don’t need to report to you. I am so frustrated and fed up. This has been going on the whole enitre time of our relationship. Enough is enough shouldn’t he want to be home with his family. I have no idea what to do.
I’ve been married 9 years and moved from my family and friends,left a great job and moved to Iowa. I am 60 yrs. old, going blind with glaucoma and want to be home with my children. My husband had promised to move me back home but decided on his own that we weren’t going afterall. My husband is 11 yrs younger than me and very set in his ways. I am so unhappy, depressed and want to go home so bad, I hate the cold and snow and he hates the heat & humity of Texas. Anytime I say I want to go home, he tells me to get on the f’n plan and go, he’s not going. What can I do, I am so homesick and need the love affection that he used to give to me, we haven’t had sex in over 18 months, I’m old but I’m NOT dead. Any suggestions?
Wow, what a dilemma – and it probably doesn’t need to be this difficult but when emotions are involved everything is more complicated. I married a man whom I have loved with all my heart for the past five years. While money is not the get-all/be-all, am I a bad person for wanting to end the marriage due to his inability to help equally in providing financial stability and a promising future? He is always depending on me to cover the bills and rather than come up with solutions for making ends meet just goes into a state of anxiety and expects me to take care of everything. It’s emotionally and spiritually draining. He is absolutely capable but lacks the skills of being resourceful. This may not be coming across how I mean it to – hopefully someone out there understands and can offer some insight/experience.