Married and Dating

Posted on February 27, 2008 in Marriage

A study published in the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy in 2002, revealed that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. This gives us an idea about how extramarital affairs are on a high rise.

According to Maggie Scarf, author of Intimate Partners, first published in 1987 by Random House, re-issued in 1996 by Ballentine, “Married men probably still stray more often than married women.” However we see in a 2002 study that women are lagging behind with a meager 5 percent.

The million-dollar question here is – what initiates people to have an affair out side the sanctity of matrimony.

People usually walk into marriage with the age old idealistic notions of ‘happily ever after’. The period of dating would give them a notion that this is ‘the person’ who were destined to be with, who will complete you as an entity and love you forever. But over a period of time when monotony sets in and the responsibilities of the ‘practical’ daily life take toll over your elevated expectations. There will be feelings of void and disappointment. These are mostly the reasons why couples fall to the temptations of extra marital affairs.

Boredom and Loneliness – It might be so that one partner may feel left out while the other partner busies himself/herself with work, motherhood or other activities. The feelings of boredom and loneliness are the primary causes of infidelity among some couples. Men and women will seek from the company of other people whatever is absent in their current relationship. When one feels that his spouse isn’t giving him/her attention, time and importance he will naturally seek it elsewhere.

Self esteem – In the early days of marriage or courtship partner’s interest in one other makes them feel attractive and wanted. After a few years in marriage, this doesn’t happen. A woman may feel unwanted if the man doesn’t give her due attention. She seeks a relationship outside marriage to affirm that she is still attractive and desirable. That does wonders for her self-confidence. On the contrary, if men don’t find their wives attractive as they used to, will fall prey to the charms of a prettier and more beautiful woman. Dating a pretty young woman would also reinstate a man’s self-esteem.

Differences – During the early days of marriage or courtship you must have counted all the similarities and commonalities you shared with your partner. However, if you see that there are more differences than commonalities then it may become one of the potential reasons for infidelity. You would have a feeling that your spouse doesn’t understand you of which you will derive that he/she doesn’t love you.

Responsibilities – Some people would feel too smothered by the responsibilities back home. They will find themselves an escapade to excuse themselves from the responsibilities. They may be tired working 9-5, bringing up kids, doing dishes or playing the breadwinner of the family. They would want some excitement in life and they would resort to extramarital affairs for the entire thrill they find lacking in their married life.

Revenge – Some people indulge in extramarital affairs to seek revenge from their partners who was involved in an extramarital affair. The frustration that the person undergoes after discovering his/her spouse in an extra marital affair would drive him/her to all extents to deal with it.

Sex – Marriage will bring responsibilities that would leave couples with no time for sex. If one partner is always too tired for sex or too cold in bed, it will take away the entire emotional and romantic flavor from sex leaving it boring like a chore. For some, sex becomes monotonous as their relationship and there is nothing new to left to try. Emotional intimacy, cuddling, romance, flirting, and experimentation spark your sex lives, if that’s missing couples indulge in extramarital affairs purely for sexual adventure.

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