It is an ancient adage that women cannot keep secrets. What is it that makes women such unreliable confidants? The answer is probably another popular adage- ‘women love to talk’ or ‘women love to gossip’ or maybe a deeper phenomenon associated with what we consider imperative and important.
Women generally tend to undervalue the gravity of things from a third person perspective. We are generally more resigned and reclined towards the tensions and pressures of everyday life. It is probably for this reason that we fail to appreciate the importance of the secret to the person who tells us the secret. The secret could relate to a surprise birthday party that he/she has planned for his/her beloved or a strategically planned move at the office or maybe a more secretive confession of a shameful act committed by him/her. No matter what the level of seriousness of the confession be, it is the trust that the other person places in his/her confidant that is at stake. Try the following to be a worthy friend and a worthy protector of your best friend’s secrets.
1) Talk Impersonal
: Try and focus your talkative energies on impersonal topics such as politics, sports, music, movies etc. Learn to refrain from broaching excessively personal topics such as love, marriage, parenting issues, etc because they eventually tend to act as harbingers of trouble. Be a knowledge seeker instead of talking just for the sake of talking.
2) Learn to listen
: It is often said that the best speaker is one who listens effectively. When having a conversation with another person, learn to focus the subject of the talk on the other person. You will stay away from divulging unnecessary gossip about other people and also come across as a good conversation-maker to the person sitting opposite to you. Remember, people love to talk about themselves and they’ll love you if you let them indulge in their favorite habit.
3) Forget the secret
: People often tell secrets to their friends just because they need to vent out the frustration of keeping it pent up inside themselves. They would appreciate it as well as you if you could only forget their secrets immediately after they have confessed into you during a brief moment of excitement or anxiety. This is the reason the confession chamber at the neighboring church has been traditionally successful.
4) Visualize the consequences
: It always helps to empathize with the friend when he/she is confiding into you. As he/she begins to churn out the intricacies of his/her secret, you should mentally attune yourself to imagine what could be the consequences of the secret coming out in the open. There might be instances when you do not feel that there will be heavy costs of divulging the secret. At such instances you should discuss this with your friend. If you cannot convince your friend about your viewpoint, it is possible that there are certain situations which make the secret an important one which you do not understand. It becomes your duty in such a case to respect the intention of your friend to keep the secret inside the closet.
5) Try mnemonics
: If a secret has grave consequences if it is let out of the closet and you feel that you may divulge it in the midst of a conversation inadvertently, you need to try something more tougher such as practicing mnemonics. Pick up a word which you think will commonly precede the talk that may force you to break the secret. And repeat that word 50 times over aloud with any combined phrase that will alert you to the possibility that you are approaching the moment when you might break the secret. For example, if your best friend has slept with any person before her wedding, pick up a word such as ‘premarital’ and repeat it over and over so you become alert to the presence of that word and avoid wading into troublesome waters.
Whichever of the above suggestions works for you, it is important to realize that the ability to keep a secret is an important component in any relationship. It may be your best friend, your spouse, you kids or your parents which may choose to make you their confidant. It is important that you protect their secrets with all your might because it matters to the people who matter to you the most.
